arathreel: (Default)
That was the best, deepest sleep I've had in ages. The problem was the dreams. And only two of them stand out to me. One of them had to deal with the Simpson's and Marge getting large from eating so very very much. Doubtful that that dream will stick with me long.

The other, though, was about life on the farm. All of the family was there. My grandmother, me, my mom, everyone. Just working the farm. But something didn't feel right. That was when my grandmother said she was going to the hospital to see how my grandfather was doing. She had heard they had given him a new breathing machine, but they were turning it off tonight when he was fully asleep so he would die peacefully. Of course I wanted to go.

My mother, grandmother, myself, and my cousin all took the car to this gorgeous old cathedral of a hospital. Everything was old and well sculptured and very white. It was a busy place and we got there right around dinner time. You could smell dinner in the air. And... for some reason, it was in Cuba or something like that, because I remember outdoors there were all these animals in cages. Some of them I was used to seeing. But then there was a cage of Tamarangs and I thought 'so cute, but so illegal back home. Can't do it.' But the lady let me hold one and it was super cute.

Back to my grandfather. We had to wait at a window to get keys. My grandmother used the excuse that she finished the book she had borrowed from his locker and wanted the keys to return it. They explained they would be shutting him off tonight and he would be euthanized peacefully. His machine had been switched over to be like a back pack. I don't know why because when we got to his room, he was just lying there. My grandmother and mom were off in the room and I was sitting on the bed with him, just watching him, my heart breaking again. My cousin leaned over and blew in his ear or something and woke him up. He saw me and said "Laura. You are such a beautiful woman." Which is, exactly, the last thing he ever said to me in real life. But in my dream, he continued. He said "Let's start with a well known fact. You are the sum of two very different people. And a little known fact. You used to wear flowers all the time. It was my life line. But then you stopped wearing them, and here I am.." And the realization that, yes, my style has changed so greatly and I wanted/needed to stop being that overly feminine girl.. and that there was a possibility that he was the one that always picked out those outfits I got for my birthday or Christmas. That his face stopped lighting up when I started switching my style. My heart broke right there and I sobbed so loud and so hard... that I woke myself up.

I'm sorry, Grampy. I really miss you. I wish my dreams would let me spend more time with you instead of showing me the end of your life over and over again. I suppose I never really got the chance to mourn like everyone else. I love you.
arathreel: (Default)
I just remembered the dream I had. It was a big series of competitions: skiing, a board game, a story telling competition... all in that juncture of strange. And I was all excited. I was going to go ahead and go for it. And then Master William approached me and said he was sorry, that I couldn't compete because his daughter didn't like people with blue or blue green eyes. And that they would have a separate competition for us, but it wouldn't count since we didn't count.

I decided to ski anyway, but really late into the competition. I still made second place. And then I woke up.

What was that all about?


arathreel: (Default)

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