arathreel: (Default)
There are many married women out there that feel it is important to be married.

There are many married women with children out there that feel you aren't a real woman without a husband and kids.

There are many single women out there that feel you can't possibly be happy with a husband OR kids.

Here are my thoughts on the topic:

For me, I always dreamed of having children, being married, having a family. But I know for a fact it isn't for everyone. And I find nothing wrong with that. I'm not a baby person. I never saw myself with a baby, only with toddlers. There is also nothing wrong with that.

Single women should not feel pressured to marry someone. There is nothing wrong with concentrating on your career, enjoying being alone or living alone or just having a serious partner in whatever aspect that is. It is important to know yourself, and if you are someone who could never settle down and feel like it would make you, as a person, become more submissive, then you should not marry. You shouldn't feel the need to marry just because others are. The divorce rate is so high that there is no reason to push yourself into something that you don't, deep in your heart, really want. There are so many positives to being single. One of the greatest ones that I can think of is knowing that you are self reliant, dependent only on yourself, and your mistakes will only hurt you. Knowing that you can support yourself and you don't need a partner of any kind to help you keep a home - that you don't feel emotionally needy for someone to always be there every second like a child might. You can do everything in life at your own pace and you don't -have- to use a system of checks and balances with any one else. I know many friends who are single and they are doing so very well for themselves.

Then again, there is nothing wrong with the desire to get married. Whether you want the big extravagant wedding or just something simple like heading to court. It isn't the feeling that you -need- someone. Sometimes it is just the feeling that you have found the perfect someone and you don't want them to slip away. You can see yourself growing old with them. You want to still have contact with them, close contact, after 10-15-20 years... We all know that we have fallen out of contact with a lot of people in life for many reasons. If you find that person, don't let go. I am not saying that single women haven't -found- that person. But not everyone shows their desire for someone in the same way. Some want to share a house as well as their life and have a piece of paper that proves that those matching rings are a tribute to their hearts. Some feel that a piece of paper doesn't mean anything and you can still have a meaningful relationship that is loving and long lasting without needing to share the same name. Single does not mean you are completely alone. Being married doesn't either. So many things can happen. But for better or worse, you are ready to stick through it in the legal sense. Being married, just like being single, has many pros and cons. Kudos to the friends of mine who are married, as well, and doing phenomenal with their lives.

Then there are the women with children. I always pictured myself with children, but let me tell you, darlings... it is NOT what it is cracked up to be. It is not some magical fairy tale where you look in your child's eyes for the first time and fall completely in love. It isn't this amazing feeling having a life growing inside you. Sure, it is different for everyone, but no one should EVER feel pressured to have children. It is an incredible responsibility. It is an incredible time sync. And no one should feel like they have to choose between something like that and other things they enjoy like their hobbies or their career. Because, yes, they do end up going on hold for some time which for some things, can make it all the more difficult to get back into it. But, then again, there are a lot of pros out there as well. Children can be a lot of fun... and they keep you feeling young. It is the waiting that can be a pain. There is no reason to have children. There are so many kids out there that really need parents, that some choose to do their mothering in another way. Be it through adopting poor motherless animals, being a big sister to a little girl in need, or just wanting to teach children something in any manner. There are many ways to enjoy children and still get that joyous feel of 'it's not mine and I can give it back'. And there are many reasons to also have children and enjoy the feeling that you will watch this creature grow and teach them daily. It is an amazing feeling to see all those accomplishments and know that you made that. You helped them become what they are today and they are of your genes.

I guess what I am trying to say is... ever part has pros and cons. I don't -ever- want to hear my single friends diss my married friends saying that they are submissive for getting married. I don't want to hear my friends with kids -ever- tell my childless friends that they are never going to be happy or live a complete life without having children. I don't want to hear anyone tell -anyone- that they are living their life incorrectly. Everyone I know has such an amazing life, be them single, married, or with children. They have accomplished so much and I'm proud of all of them.

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Arathreel

April 2017

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